Hello, dearest reader! I know: most of you are probably thinking, “Wait….WHO are you again?” I’m so incredibly absent-minded, there is no rhyme or reason to when I sit my big booty down to write! That’s part of the reason why my public name is HappilyRandom. I’m happy (most of the time) and amazingly random (ALL the DAMN time)! So, let’s begin this journey.
As you may or may not know, I am single after 15 years with the same person. I didn’t choose it, but it happened. It’s been about 7 months now and every day it becomes easier and easier. Currently, I am single and enjoying it! Don’t get me wrong: I would absolutely love to go out on a REAL date and enjoy the company of a wonderful person, but I truly don’t believe I’m ready for that yet. I’m starting out all over again and have to get my footing and bearings right. I am not currently where I want to be, but I have goals. And thanks to amazing parents, I am even more sure of them.
About a two weeks ago, I journeyed from Maryland to New Mexico, by way of El Paso, to see my mom and dad. I hadn’t seen them for over 5 years!! Now, see, this is unheard of for me. My parents and I are very close and being away from them all this time has been hard. When I found myself single, I needed them more than ever! I had little to no support at home family-wise. Plus…I was hurting. Every girl needs her mommy and daddy when she’s hurting. Just someone to hold her and tell her she really is going to be okay. So, off I went.
Well, not exactly. You see, money is not growing on any trees for me, so this trip took A LOT of planning and prepping. In fact, I was going to see both my good friend get married and then hop on over to mom and dad. However, my pocketbook said “HAHA! Nice try, loser! Where do you think the money for all that is going to come from?? The sky?!?” So, I had to compromise. Still…that took three months of planning and saving money and organizing. This was the first time I ever had to plan something like this on my own…ever. Good God, I’m 34! You wouldn’t think this would be so hard. How do I even dress myself???
(By the way, is this adulting? I think I adulted. I should get an award for adulting. Like…a blue ribbon or something.)
So, I made the trip. It was hell to and from, but…it was worth it! I loved seeing my Dad waiting for me when I got off of the escalator at the airport. I didn’t cry but I was so happy! Then, of course, my Mom was recording the whole thing on her phone. It was so typical…and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. She even complained in old-lady fashion about “the stupid phone”. I laughed. I spent ten glorious days with my parents, talking about everything from food to politics to religion to aromatherapy to stupid movies (absolutely made my dad watch “Commando” because, well….Arnold Schwarzenagger and totally 80’s action flicks are a must!)
When I’m with my family, I am truly me. Silly, goofy, ridiculous, talkative, laughing, me. The OLD me. The me that used to shine through on the bitter, cold days of every day life. The me that would be the funny one just to make someone else’s day brighter even if I felt like I wasn’t going to make it to tomorrow. I will not lie about my struggles with weight and depression. But I will also not dwell on them, for they did not and DO NOT define me. Even at the place of rock bottom, where hell is just one sleepless, lonely night away, I will not stay there and be taken down into the darkness. I will remember the fact that there are people who love me for all that I am, flaws included. They are my family; my mom; My Daddy; Rudy and Donna. In the end, “the ones who matter don’t mind and the ones who mind don’t matter”
Love you ALL!